You Are What You Blog

Thank You Philip ='(

2012-02-05T00:34:00.002+08:00

1 Corinthians 13:4-13

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Are We...Interlocked?

2012-02-04T08:58:00.004+08:00

The language they used startled me. However, towards the end of the show, I truly understand the significance of using Bahasa Melayu in the play.

Inspired by the late Yasmin Ahmad's final film, "Talentime" and Abdullah Huaasin's novel, "Interlok", Parah explores the past and present of Malaysia with humor and sensitivity in spades.

The names of the characters should not be a stranger for those who watched and love Talentime. We have Melor, Kahoe,Mahesh(with a voice) and Hafiz. With a lil twist, this play becomes more engaging and "Malaysian". If you wish to know more about the love story of Melor and Mahesh then this shows may not be able to satiate the desire to know how their love blooms. If you think Mahesh is a heartthrob and would like to have a voice given to him, please go watch the show as non-mute Mahesh acted by is just as charming and quite a hero in the play.

Revolving the once and still controversial book, which was eventually withdrawn from the school syllabus, Parah discusses the racism which happens in our multiracial and hence multi-racists country. Despite the brutality of how our races insult and despise and even openly put a certain race down, the friendship among this four young people, though experiences disintegration, stands the test of time and ugly history.

I am glad that theatre is becoming a way for us to examine and reflect upon our society. The current social milieu may not be the most ideal one but it is comforting to know that our younger generation is gradually being pulled away from racism (we do have good buddies from different races) , I believe Malaysia is going to be a much beautiful country.

Without

2012-01-23T13:19:00.003+08:00

So this is New Year. With half a cup of wine, a tired mind, I just wanna sleep. I had a dream last night. of you. The first time I feel so warm after almost a month. The wine helps a lil, to indulge in reminiscence. Gosh, I ask myself, for how long I am going to be like this. The battle of the heart against mind against conscience against expectation. I wonder how can a conversation turned into monologue. If this is what we were meant to be..

Look at my own action, contradicting, big time. All I ask, is for the one to be right here. with me.

Sick And Twisted.

2012-01-15T19:11:00.002+08:00

There are 420 audience. Full house in a black box. And I am one of them.

The comedy is self-explanatory and one of the magnet reason that attracts me is Patrick Teo. His "Voice of God" is no joke, arresting. Even when he makes fun of his physical defect, the witty lines are undoubtedly amusing and sincere. I like him so much better than the rest.

A star-studded night. Harith Iskander, Gavin Yap and the likes of them.

I just hope that arts can be propelled towards a whole new horizon and yes, I can see the influence is getting intense. A laudable effort in publicity.

It's not OK

2012-01-14T11:53:00.004+08:00

Never mind the wait, cuz I have a lifetime.

Never mind the agony, cuz I can love.

Never mind the unexplained,cuz I choose to believe.

Never mind the I-Don't-Know, cuz I support.

I guess you never mind my leaving then.

King Of The Earth

2012-01-05T22:28:00.004+08:00

Driving as dusk falls is what I really love. The feeling is beyond awesome. Together with the music played and the objects that are fleeting outside of my car, I feel immobilized and become the only thing that remained static. Suddenly, everything seemed fine, peaceful even coupled with a tinge of unexplained serenity. I smiled a contented smile, today.

Hold me now..

2012-01-02T09:41:00.002+08:00

The days are somber, so as the nights. I got misunderstood but yet I still have to stand strong. Why? I just need to know why. But it's not like you are going to read my blog anymore.

Move On

2011-12-31T16:21:00.002+08:00

2011 will come to an end in 7 hour's time. People always say time flies and I find that partially true. I don't think I am going to end my 2011 with a bang but only with hope.

Suddenly, or perhaps it's been with me for a while now, that I would want to move on. It's the hardest thing in the world. Damn, people move on evryday and why would it be so hard when everybody is doing it? or it's just me living with a stubborn heart. Speaking of which, I remember one of the episodes of Grey's, Lil Grey is the one whose heart lives in the vagina. Hah. How brilliantly expressed. *random* ;p

Layers of lies and layers of truths. collide and mash. I am afraid...of losing evrything that I hold dear to. Without realizing that maybe I never had it from the beginning. I am to make one of the biggest decisions in my life. hanging by a thread thing. I guess I am nervous and in a state of pre-devastation and that's why I am blogging now. You are what you blog, remember? I don't even have a clue what to say and how and where and...sigh...

Head is spinning for the moment. Maybe my brain is again doing what he is best in which is to complicate things or maybe i am just sheer tired. Oh, I think it's the decision that I am making soon. Oh, how every fiber of my body is reacting to the restlessness now. I am with no boldness in this.

I feel like I can get mad again. with someone. It's only fair to me. What isn't fair enough is..I can only get mad. over and over. endless and pointless.

But, 2012, Hello, here I am. metamorphosis.

Urghh. Physics.

2011-12-12T22:21:00.003+08:00

My current job makes me feel like I'm studying Physics all over again. Oh man, I never like Physics, even though I am intrigued by the wonders of it but it's never my cuppa tea. I aint doing anything close to engineering anyways, just that the process is the same. I am trying hard to connect dots each day. I am dysfunctional if i had to do things without understanding the reason behind. The hows and whys.

However, time is a good teacher. I can be a student but I get impatient at times. Starting from scratch is not easy. It's challenging and full of unknowns. The unknowns buffet me dazzle me. Argh, just like Physics, me no like..

Bliss.

2011-12-04T18:29:00.005+08:00

Had a blessed birthday this year. Back in the best-est nest in Alor Setar, I had my 26th birthday celebration. My family gave me a feast! Yum Yum.

See, the chun-ness of my family...hihihi...

and a nephew is on the way..woo hoo!

Pictures of Life

2011-11-26T20:20:00.008+08:00

It was after a long time to have at last watched a Chinese movie and this comes as a sweet come-back to the genre. Everyone who watched this movie, I believe, is moved and touched. Who is to disagree if the story is beautiful but sad. The ending is perfect, albeit it bruised the feeling intensively. It simply celebrates and embraces the flaws of love, naive but true love. There were lines that are so hard to forget.

Some would expect corniness. I must say, there is. But it has the knack to have me cast a smile sheepishly and warm the heart in a way only when good memories flood the mind. And i must say this, every scene portrayed is a picture by itself. It couldn't be more perfect. And I am sharing some.

It might not be the most awesome possum mushy sappy love story but one of those that is sincere and unselfish. Thumbs up!

No big-eyed gal, at all

2011-10-30T09:51:00.005+08:00

Strip the ego. Slaughter the redundant emotion. Wipe the tears. Pump up the spirit. Watch a movie. Pray hard. and love the man.

It feels like you

2011-10-28T22:49:00.002+08:00

World spins faster when you feel and are alone. My October is coming to an end soon. It is a breath of fresh air, whoop past and linger and dissipate but stay. As the new chapter begins, the old one has all packed up, leaving me. I wouldn't know what has in store but I am hopeful.

My boss beef up my character. Lift the fog that helped to sequester me. Dawn me with cruel facts of life and this absolutely-not-a-bed-of-roses job, asking me if I can step up to the game. Not only her, there's a him. He brightens up my world, most importantly, he catches me whenever I fall.

But how come it feels like the starting of my greatest fear? I just don't want to give it up just yet. So don't you dare to. Hang on.

I am papers

2011-10-26T11:14:00.004+08:00

Human beings are made of memories. Long stretches of them, wrapping around us. Sometimes we tried, to let go. but memories haunt like December howling wind knocking on the door. So I let the feeling flow freely through my body, permeating every cell and fibre. Resent, savour, detest and then enjoy. And here it goes again, I allow.

Thank God it's Saturday night!

2011-10-16T23:21:00.002+08:00

Compelling, even by reading.

Anatomy

2011-10-06T23:22:00.004+08:00

It's interesting to feel that being a media planner shares some similarities as an auditor. Really.

Got a churp churp today. CUTE-nye...

Gracias

2011-10-04T20:50:00.002+08:00

Thank you for the walk and heart to heart talk.

Thank you for the encouragement and admonition.

That bruise and then heal.

You somehow mend it.

My Nights

2011-10-03T23:41:00.002+08:00

I need another Grey's Anatomy dose! Inject me!

Please

2011-10-03T22:22:00.002+08:00

Stop yanking me out of what I don't want to

Stop peeling layers and layers of what I don't want to know

How could you

It's So Wrong Right

2011-09-26T05:32:00.004+08:00

I need to sleep more. Absolutely definitely. But sleepless nights kinda haunt me recently. I remember when I was younger, sleeping is the most dreadful. I would open my eyes and just stare and think. Hah, thinker in the making. When I was a student, sleeping become the most enjoyable. When working comes into the picture, sleeping no doubt is a luxury! Oh well, another sleepless in KL tonight. Perhaps Orhan Pamuk can tell me some stories. Reading ;)

Reporting live at 5.39am. A whole brand new day tomorrow!

Flotilla of Clouds

2011-09-24T23:59:00.002+08:00

At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet

.Plato.

Isn't Plato the most brilliant? make me wonder are all these scholars' love stories beautiful yet poignant, crafty, sexy, treacherous and even boundless in imagination, restrictions and boldness. Don't we all want a real taste of all. Hah, sometimes life is funny. She cuts a vein and let us experience the brokenness. allows our heart to skip a beat. pulls our legs. drops a tear.break a smile. cry ourselves to sleep and laugh till we cry. The waves of emotions keep splashing with different kind of magnitude and speed and angles that we are so feeble to call it stop.

My heart is calm tonight. as calm as the blue corn moon. I have been successfully ignored this part of me emerging. Cuz life is really funny. it's brief yet time-enduring. It's agonizingly sweet. plainly unique. shifty yet mesmerizing. So, I cant do anything but savour the empty intimacy.

Arthur's Day

2011-09-24T23:50:00.002+08:00

You might be surprised but this is the first and last for me. It's a total letdown! But still I'm glad that I was there.

@ Publika

2011-09-22T22:54:00.004+08:00

Super Everything

This is amazing! I wasn't sure what am I expecting before the event but it turned out to be interestingly refreshing.

It's Football

2011-09-20T10:25:00.002+08:00

I was there at the World Freestyle Football Championship Tour 2011. The drizzling plus thunders didn't keep us away at all. My bros and sis were so into it and we decided to go check it out the second day as well. The teams are quite interesting: Thailand, Holland, S'pore, China, Vietnam, Brazil and Malaysia. and fuh, Malaysian team weren't at its best but some of the players manage to steal some limelights.

Football-rush. hah, it can stall my world. I need to refocus my goals in life.

The Word is

2011-09-13T16:30:00.003+08:00

Crumbling.

Brokenness.

Ignorance.

Denial.

Agony.

Down that road I go again. This time I lost myself.

To Infinity and Beyond

2011-09-04T10:52:00.003+08:00

So, it's Monday tomorrow, not any ordinary Monday but D-Monday when I start work,again! Woo Hoo! PJK was elated when I told her I got a non-teaching job and she broke to a smile, "Wow, you really walk by faith,huh" I beamed.

I never imagine myself in that position where I got to know every nook of KL city and nothing to do with teaching. It seems glittering, sparkling with excitement and it's overflowing. Still, I remmber what once i was told, get the right attitude in your working place. It's hard to define and even tougher to execute. But we are all here to learn under this stressful world. Who knows that it can be a blessing in disguise =) Till then, wish me luck!

My shelf life

2011-08-26T09:55:00.002+08:00

isn't up just yet! I was in a mental distraught, even low self-esteem is knocking on the doorstep. Even though I no longer pulling all nighters raking my head for lesson plans. That's weird, to have somehow despised my own drought in employment, coz this was what I want! I wanted a break real bad. Then I realize I actually can't stop, working! Yes, I got burned out and an escape would just be right. But i hate it when I didn't have pay check to collect, I hate it when I have self-induced pressure even when I want to spend, I hate it when the my emotion just go haywire when I have the free time! Damn. I am meant to work.

is expanding. I am looking into this new job and man, I tell myself, Tey Chee Hwei, your gonna be in deep shit plunging in this realm. seriously. But yeah, it's gonna be exciting.

Ouch!

2011-08-08T11:08:00.002+08:00

Indeed, a whirlwind of agony. Gastric is! Whoa, I got my third butt injection already! Pfft... I thought I take enough good care of myself but still, it keeps haunting me without fail. The throwing up almost yanked out my tummy. That's why i am always in dire of the jab. Lord oh Lord, teach me what I need to learn to take care of my delicate stomach...

Seeking

2011-08-04T09:38:00.003+08:00

It has been 5 days 10 hours since i last stepped in the school. The air is liberating and my mind too. Yes, I miss those kids, my colleagues and the idea of me being an educator. I was for a while being stripped off all these "luxuries" and be a nobody in between. I do hope that this stage is preparing me to be a better somebody.

It is inexplicable that why we start only to value something we had lost after we lose it. Actually, the one reason is invariable, we focus only on what we don't have.

Well, embarking on a different new dimension, I shall come face to face with the great changes that I have decided to espouse. I know change costs and cuts, but never try never know. I never know how far my aspiration can bring me, how much i am willing to take the costs, how many cuts i can endure, until I try.

Hip and Hop

2011-07-24T18:43:00.005+08:00

My first time at Urbanscapes

Feeling: hot!!

Aim: To breathe the air of arts.

Wanted to get: sundress and everything else

But I got a better something!

My bro is such a good companion.

and I bought him badges

I left pretty early heading to school concert though

Oh well, I am not entire artsy-craftsy

Touch 'N Go

2011-07-22T17:57:00.002+08:00

My life from now on will swoop past very quickly until the end of July then it will pick up a slower pace which i am not sure i ll adapt to. No more waking up at 6am, no more stuck-in-the-roundabout jam. I will miss every bit of it, i just havent noticed it.

To Err is H.u.m.a.n.

2011-07-07T17:43:00.003+08:00

I think alot about punishment lately. When I did something wrong unintentionally, I have to make it up, many a time, in a way that i am not aware of. Even in my workplace, i don't think it's my fault but there's always a price to pay. The more i dwell there, the more i think about imperfection, inefficiency and tolerance. Sometimes, the power is mine, to could have made a difference to the surrounding. I owe it to myself, but for the change to take place, it's too late now. I have come to a realization that i have fear to be punished, to have made certain sacrifice just to make things right again. Besides, only people who care would actually acknowledge your courage, the rest will just shrug it off. but then again, oh well, I don't need those play-acting. I am who i am, i make mistakes, you don't care, I don't bloody care too.

How can the fire die?

2011-07-05T18:46:00.002+08:00

I have just finished my lesson with one of the classes and sat down in front of the computer-I am completely brain-dead. Something stole the illuminations of my brain cells and replaced it with oats! ( I always think that oats are boring despite the nutrition value). I can't think, i can't even stone, I am restless and yet stuck in a groove! My heart just sank into my boots, or rather heels, and i got so fed up. Where is the fire? I talked about deferred dream with my kids and I suddenly reach upon my heart and ask, where's my dream? dried up like a raisin or exploded into thin air already? The world is trying to tell me something. I must listen.

The words are marvel and startle.

Teys

2011-07-03T22:14:00.004+08:00

My parents were here. My sister and brothers. Finally, after 2 long years, my parents set foot in KL again. The last time was my graduation back in 2008! I am a host.

The schedule is ever crazy and hectic.LCCT-Kota Damansara-Petaling Jaya-Shah Alam. to and fro. fro and to. hah.. Now that all the lil Teys are out, out of Alor Star, Mr. and Mrs.Tey are proud parents. and now, lonely ones back home ='(

I miss all of them ald. Even now that my sis is packing to go.. I miss them exceptionally, each one of them. Family members are gems in the heart.

I forgot the rhyme of your words

2011-06-22T22:30:00.003+08:00

I let you win

Cuz there's nothing left

behind

but words, that cut like blades.

I let him win

Cuz that's what left

to hope

that comforts

From me.

And this one's for you

2011-06-20T22:53:00.005+08:00

It charms me. everytime.

I have a battle.

2011-05-31T23:33:00.002+08:00

with Time. It's working, marking, planning, dinner-ing and sleeping, which is often not enough. I long for a night of non-stop Grey's, Pushing daisies, FNL, books, music, food, just chillaaaaax. T T

Quotation.

2011-05-17T22:48:00.003+08:00

"There's this thing that happened when people found out that you're a doctor. They stop seeing you as a person and start seeing you as someone bigger than you are. They have to see us that way, as God, otherwise we're just like everyone else, unsure, flawed, normal. So we act strong, remain stoic, we hide the fact that we're all too human." -- Grey, Meredith.

Something borrowed.

2011-05-15T22:56:00.003+08:00

I don't like this movie at all. I only like John Krasinki =)

All the mushy love messages just went wrong.

There are things that i have paid for in these few months that drive me to say, "This just doesn't worth my penny!"

Think Up

2011-05-15T22:27:00.003+08:00

Why do people splash acid? Why does human trafficking exist? Why do we have to live in this unbearable society, so filthy, so corrupted? Why do we have voice that's mute? why do we have the rights to write but without liberty?

Why do we have nicest friends from other races? Why do we choose to be colourblind and allow the issue of skin colour transcend? why do we still embrace and celebrate diversity?

If your telling me that any of the races is much superior and should deserve more, then i implore you strip away the togetherness that you have been advocating. I say bullshit!

Fingers.

2011-05-10T21:39:00.003+08:00

Expenses. Expenses. Expenses.

It's all endless and so much to learn: how to be tech-savvy enough to iron out some problems online. I am such a jakun! Give me some times, once i get the hang of it, I shall no longer fumble my way through the seem-so-complicated steps ... *sob sob*

::Get set, GO!

2011-05-09T23:16:00.004+08:00

Today in school, i was pissed. It's one of those days that I really wanna pick up my phone and rant bitchily. And the weather isn't helping at all! So, it's just a distressing complaint and mumble within me. Argghh, I feel sick and tired.

I am glad that I am moving on again, on the road of life. Remain where i am is not going to give me any bliss in near future. Don't drag me back to where i was or even manipulate me, circumstances. I want life!

再别康桥...

2011-05-05T22:48:00.002+08:00

Sometimes i feel, blog should be neglected. It can be just an emotional channel, i mean, who cares?!

Well, now that i am emotionally tipsy, i might as well.wth.

So yea, I have decided. To have made this decision, it takes months. But to have actually known where i stand, i feel good. I feel hopeful about this whole thing. I pray that it's gonna be a terrific transformation, an interesting twist in my life, to say the least.

In the past few months, tears were shed, ego was badly bruised, lessons were learnt (really?), intentions been questioned, patience was tested. God gives me every opportunity to discover myself.

It's a Goodbye year for me, starting from the beginning of the year- to someone, to something. But, i am good.

Little Meal with Big People

2011-04-23T15:38:00.003+08:00

Going home is. Very mellow and laidback. It's time for family affection and bonding. It's breakfast ready on the table before u wake up. It's leaving dishes behind and beloved mom comes and cleans them xD it's our folks preparing all our favourite and most nutritious meals. It's LOVE. It's growing to be a woman but still a kid in their eyes. and i like that. =)

The 4-Letter Word

2011-04-18T23:29:00.002+08:00

it's passionate hatred. but everything will come to a halt.I believe.

Where the heart beats in Seattle

2011-04-11T22:01:00.002+08:00

The Bread of Life.

2011-04-10T22:47:00.002+08:00

I am inspired. so, i should ask myself, what am I gonna do about the sermon. Dumbfounded to have been enlightened that the true bread of life is the brokenness that we human are bound to take and consume. And the big word is Surrender. I have delved deep inside of me and found out that I m that kind person who don't really do a good job in letting go. I refuse to see look at the greener pasture of letting go, of creating new chapters. I guess I'm not ready, but it's time. I can see now that it's futile, what i've been holding on to, is futile. All i need to do is just to convince my stubborn heart.

Just like the kids nowadays, i'd die for a happy meal, without even looking at the burger, enjoy the temporary excitement of unwrapping a brand new toy and that itself is too hard to resist. but the exhilaration doesn't last and , bullheadedly, i choose to live in this kind of denial. To get the bread of life is to crash that desire which doesn't belong to God. Frankly, that takes a lot out of me. it's gonna.

My heart can be deceptive. i must safeguard it from now on. Let the inspiration turns into instructions in behaviours. Lets take a step of faith.

Moments Like This'

2011-04-10T00:27:00.002+08:00

I held the stop watch and it was drizzling. but the Subang Jaya lake was teeming with teachers and students who are so ready to run their hearts out for their respective teams. Well, i was free in the first part of the morning, i guess that's why i was assigned to cling on to the stopwatch and be the time keeper for the road relay. The students are soooooo cool! =) I see sportsmanship, friendship sprung to life. Their spirits made me have a soft spot for them, even the naughty ones! Good job, kids! School is fun, sometimes =)

22.11

2011-04-04T20:58:00.000+08:00

For once. if God permits.

Malay.Sian Enough

2011-04-03T22:35:00.002+08:00

It's been a week after coming back from Melbourne. The weather there is lovely, as well as the people. Tried the have not tried, taste the have not tasted. Pretty cool! I can tell that the Asian hardly spurn every opportunity offered in Melbourne but instead hold them dearly as in really dearly to their hearts. To the Malaysians whom I've made acquaintance, none wanna come back to their homeland. No one.

Well, to my own surprise, I MISS MALAYSIA VERY MUCH. This is one thing that puzzled me. I thought i would looove the kangaroo land and standing at the south of the earth, looking at the sweet potato-like country sitting at the equator, thinking of the opportunities/fun they are missing. But yet, i was wrong. I wish I could wake up to a semi-chilly morning which I wont shiver. Shit, seriously, weather is the last thing that i thought i'm gonna miss about Malaysia but wth! The warm sunlight and occasional afternoon's overcast in KL was what i needed. Even my skin is dying for Malaysian sunlight cuz it chapped badly.

Hah, but i have seen the biggest and brightest moon in my life there! The cheapest and freshest goods and groceries. The colourful off-beat fashion styles on the street. the cars politely giving ways to the massive droves of pedestrians crossing the road. the trams that co-exist with the transportation. It's groovy! Melbourne city is.

Yeah, so, after all the excitement, I am glad that im back! =) the jakun is back! ;)

Against MyOwn World.

2011-04-02T02:15:00.003+08:00

Words can be deceiving, i know that very well now. I got smitten and tricked just by the sheer words. I have never come across such incredibly beautiful combination of letters used ~~by you~~. The transformation between emotions and words has been exploited to the full capacity.

Well, i am sensitive. to words. I guess that defines what i am doing even today. Now that i am going back on the (right) track, reality pushes me to renounce that unhealthy fetish of mine for ~~your~~ devilish words. Although they will forever charm me endlessly, i know somewhere in the middle, you cant avoid using PAST tense in words.

It's one of those...

2011-03-31T21:53:00.003+08:00

moments that i think i ve done the right thing. for myself, to say the least but did I? Impulsive, rash and imbecilic! i thought things would turn out to be fine and as usual, no complication, no mushy goodbyes and hellos. in moonlight. I guess i fail myself and the people around me AGAIN. even you. This gives you a chance to take the upper hand and despise me. Shit! i hate this. I hate that i care. I won't give in.

the Moon.

2011-02-21T21:16:00.004+08:00

Usual routine on Sunday. Lesson plans. Impulsive, i guess, I drove all alone to Trop and watched Burlesque. couldnt stand the stuffiness, the emptiness and the itch to catch a musical show. Well, it's sensual and i dig it!

Monday's schedule is tight. Cant even make time for dinner, or perhaps that's the way i want it. I told myself, i wanna finish reading the one book that i ve been holding and carrying everywhere i go but i fail myself. Distracted.

Today maggie mee. chatting with b dude. planning. basking in songs. missing those days when you were mine.

Did I hear you whisper too?

2011-02-18T19:09:00.001+08:00

When you said nothing at all

2011-02-13T15:44:00.003+08:00

It's a quiet week. yet meaningful. My impatience and selfishness and immense ego had been shushed by the words from your heart. Its like i was directed to a new dimension of looking at things that happen in life. If what you have said to me are bullets, then what i have done to you are spears. The latter mercilessly offers extra time to feel the excruciating pain of the open wound. We are hurt enough. It's time God heals us with His unfailing love and grace.

Unfinished.

2011-02-06T20:55:00.005+08:00

I have studied these verses many times. but i still don't quite get 'em. Can you teach me one more time?

Isn't That a smile

2011-01-31T00:12:00.001+08:00

OK, so 2 more days. I can do it! Hah, the darkest days. I can see rainbow.

Morning Has Broken...

2011-01-30T10:32:00.002+08:00

stable elements in a unreliable world. it's the morning rain pattering on the rooftop. it's the relentless spinning of the fan. it's ticking of the clock. it's the falling asleep. its the grumbling of the stomach. its the rehearsing of those three words in the heart..Good Morning!

Think of Me Fondly When We've Said Goodbye

2011-01-25T18:41:00.003+08:00

When i was hanging around the lanes as an adolescent, waiting for life to begin, i saw Kedah as a place where nothing ever happened. It's elsewhere that life goes on and i tell myself, in due course, i would leave the place and then my life begins. And so I did. Little did i know that, in due course also, Kedah turn out to be a retreat to me. Amidst the life that i have always dreamed of which has become part of me, i find Kedah hold the key to serenity. I wouldnt say the absence of events is the treasured aspect but at least i get the peace of mind.

KL has given me so much and perhaps it's not the place per se but the people. so much so that i get lost. literally. spiritually. mentally.

I woke up this morning to realize that i just had a nightmare. But the part that really petrify me is the reality that i am going to face after the nightmare is gone. What could have been worse than a nightmare? I have never feared the reality so much and i swear to God that i have never felt this way before. but i think what really matters now is God.

The hours that pass me by has never seemed so slow. it's like time has decided to slow down the pace and take it's own sweet time just to observe how people like me could have done with the extra time which sometimes i think is superfluous.

Time and time again, i console my wretched soul that the darkness is going to come to an end and the dawn shall come.

I told her i couldnt hear anything from God and she told me, Didn't you see? the answer has been revealed, it's very clear cut. If only we have the time to just stop and ponder, God always show us the answer.

I think i understand now and I am hopeful as before. Still. If only you trust me.

Without.

2011-01-22T19:02:00.001+08:00

Gosh...This.is.so.tough.

Sorry.

2011-01-18T21:07:00.002+08:00

My dad asks me to be sunshine. He says there's nothing too difficult for me. I have doubts but it's not the highly dubious kind. I think i can pull this through. I know i can.

Savior, Please.

2011-01-05T23:06:00.001+08:00

ToFfe Nut Diluted for Hours

2011-01-05T21:33:00.004+08:00

So, I just feel like chilling out in a place to comfort my pensive and weary mood. I thought it would be a great time to reflect a lil. Well, I hope the frappuccino won't get me on high!

For Champ

2010-12-26T11:42:00.003+08:00

Flashback...
15th Dec.I got a call delivering an awful news. My friend had committed suicide.
Facebook was flooded instantly. I questioned the credibility of the death. It is too painful to be true.
If only a second chance was given, would it be the same?
The people who stay. haunted.
Rest In Peace, my friend.

Where's my Christmas?

2010-12-23T12:24:00.003+08:00

On the 2nd day to Christmas...

The growing apart makes me think.a.lot. I keep reflecting what went wrong. What pushes me making that dreadful decision. I know that that's the last thing we need right now, esp you but i have been keeping it at the tip of my tongue ever since... You said it's a bombshell, i wish you could have seen it coming. She said it's out of love, either way,whatever i would have done. I said, yes and no. I actually am not sure. Then, it's the epiphany. Knowing that you and i are trapped in this callous world. You cant feel how the world has been manipulating you all this while. And I? ain't I just the same? our worldly spirits ve been toyed and we were drown to the abyss. Shall we be happy again? Should we ever change, can we still pull it through?

-You have to love yourself before you can love anyone- cheehwei

2010-12-18T23:50:00.002+08:00

I feel like shit! I take a rather cynical view of men today. It's bitter and painful!

Lovely My Folks.

2010-12-06T21:23:00.003+08:00

Ran some errands with my dad this afternoon. I shamefully cant recall when's the last time i sat on his old trusty, rusty van which he has been using for ages now! There's no air-con,it's the blowing wind that had my hair tangled in messy clumps =S Compared to my Xiao Xue, the seat of the van is so high up that i feel a lil...uncomfortable but but..i like it. I smell the familiarity and my dad's profuse sweating from the hardwork everyday. But how come he is still very the fat?!

My mom is awesome! She even helps me to blow dry my hair. I am the happiest daughter! =) She never fails to serve fruits after meal, cracks silly jokes and tease my lil baby bro to amuse us and i find that sexy! She is such a kind soul.

I am happy here.

moonlight.

2010-12-06T01:10:00.001+08:00

i love the wireless at home. Lying on the bed,snuggle up underdeath the warm messy blanket.its me in my room,solitary, quietness with a pinch of magical silhouette of starlight. I picked up my indispensable e72,which i sleep with every night, searching for wlan. The mood is soo right..with the songs of the 80's playing softly as the darkness lingers on..feeling peckish,imagine that having McD burger now would just make the night..virtually one of the best. Then i realise something's missing,it's you..

Last. Time.

2010-12-04T23:37:00.002+08:00

It's nothing but agonizing. i don't want to listen to any noise but your voice, the truth. it's now or never. It's now or never. I am tired. already.

T T

2010-12-04T00:31:00.002+08:00

deep melancholy. Streams of tears just welled up in my eyes....

Your Pick is With Me

2010-12-02T11:44:00.002+08:00

EADGBE. i miss the 3-afternoon guitar lessons. i know now, i am not cut out for music. big time. but i enjoy it and i will persevere. *yeaah*

Listening to Joshua Radin now.

N.B.T.

2010-11-30T09:54:00.003+08:00

The winding roads lead up to a die down quiet alley,compared to the adjacent streets. I still dunno where are we heading to. Hopping off the car, I saw it! I missed it last year and this year, it came as a surprise for me, how niceeee =)

The bar looks unexpectedly small but quaint?heh.. On the way weaving through the patrons, we run into Issac Entry. =) This amazing dude has been doing gigs and i happened to get his smile..

Settle down at the lil corner. Think a couple bottles of beer for the belly would sound like the greatest idea now. Yes, it did! And that's one for me.

Issac Entry takes his seat, charmingly tries out his rather undersized? guitar for a moment or two. He then amuses the admiring us with the songs about Malaysia, dating someone else's gal as the starter. peppered with quips, it's interactive, it's fun!

We groove with him. He marvels at his pluckings at the string. Love it when he covers the songs, Half Half Girl, Saw a Stingray Today, Met a politician and such. Oh, how can i forget Sashimi. Mmm.. They are brilliant. Some of us laugh at his lyrics, some of us agree with a yell, "Yeah~". He jams through the night and the jazzzzzy moment is better than best!

So yea, it's No Black Tie =)

Another night.

2010-11-25T23:26:00.004+08:00

The room is just nice and cosy at this time of the day. It's not stuffy at least for tonight. I'm going back to drama series =) bought FNL and plan to get Pushing Daisies next. The night is never enough. I need more time. But really need to get up early for the class tomorrow and it's the last for the year! Yeah! I kinda enjoy and love the CAE class now that we all jell pretty well. I love that kind of learning environment which i can ask any questions that i'm having doubts abt and i can get CORRECT answers! pretty cool huh! Weeeee...

Well, getting back to FNL.. Nightey night ~

2010-11-21T15:18:00.002+08:00

The world is a funny place.

Beat it!

2010-11-16T23:57:00.003+08:00

Of how the changes of my mood is proportional to yours. I have come to ends like this before where i know moving on is the only choice. I learn the hard way. Things get complicated and ugly, nobody wants it that way but it just happened. Reality check. We are all the victims of unpredictable circumstances and many a times, situations that just put us on the spot and swallow our pride and faith. I pray for a better tomorrow.

As a Woman

2010-11-14T20:24:00.002+08:00

was hanging out with Mable, Angela and Oli. I always feel at home whenever they are around. We can talk abt anything under the sun, everything =) Then the topic revolves around woman needs a man, as how being suggested by the word itself. Of course, we gals disagree, "Nohhhh". Then Angela quips, "We never say woman don need man, but man needs woman more!" well, that sound like universal truth =D and that's more i like it.Lol.. Mable, always the one come out with witty remarks, claimed that most of the major sufferings of women caused by men or at least related to them. like MENstrual, MENopause, MENtal illness. AHah!

Generally, women are delicate,highly dangerous and the most sensitive and powerful animals i would say. Not easy to be a smart one but easy to be deceived. Lol..Dun kill me. However, the dynamics of gals can't be underestimated or overlooked.

i always hoped that i were a boy. Hah! but i pleasantly embrace the feminine side of mine =) well, i just show the random side of a woman by writing this =D

Isn't this Lovely?

2010-11-08T22:04:00.002+08:00

I like this cutie. I bought it in the Handicraft Centre. Shall call it. Mandy. At last, a normal name for my possession. =p

Bridal Shower No. 3

2010-11-07T00:12:00.002+08:00

A night with the bride-to-be. together with all the dearest buddies buddies. Another wedding to go in Nov. And, i am gonna wear saree! Can't wait.

Of the close ones

2010-11-06T00:20:00.001+08:00

sometimes i think you dun understand me.

Floodwaters, stay away.

2010-11-04T14:16:00.003+08:00

I am worried sick. but i didn't go home. I miss my family. but i didn't go home. AS is like a water town now. my read news, keep calling home, contacting my friends who stay in the north of kedah. but i didn't go home. I ve never felt the disaster so close before. i didn't feel the urgency until bad news turns worse. Now that they cut the power and water supply all at once, things gonna turn ugly in Kedah. Simpang Empat, the place i stay is still in good shape, dry, i mean. Thank God! I want my family to be safe. I want my family to be safe.

It's The Morning.

2010-11-01T22:58:00.005+08:00

The morning rays pierced through the sky. The watch showed 7am. I was standing there, in front of my house, waiting to start another day. I feel relaxed, no burden on my shoulder, except the two bags which are the customary things i bring along to school everyday. No teaching for the rest of the week. It's still the exam week. I let out a faint sigh. I breathed in deeply again, with my eyes closed, saturating myself with the crisp morning air. "I think i like this place", it's a monologue. Suddenly, the school bus honked, pulling me out of the fleeting trance. Oh well, another day. with hope and faith. with thanks and praise. with you in my heart. off i went to school.

Again.

2010-10-31T22:11:00.000+08:00

It's November, whether you like it or not. and how can one not love November! It's the sweetest and loveliest month for the sweetest and loveliest ones =)

November thrills me. It not only brings me the end-of-year excitement (only for those who don't need to work in Dec, for example a teacher ;p) but also a month closer to Christmas! And also you...

've been thru beautifully wrecked months. I am the vulnerable kind. I need to be understood. who doesn't, right? but by whom? The one you love or the one loves you? A mail from my dear friend reads like this "Inside the heart of each & everyone of us, there is a longing to be understood by someone who really cares. When a person is understood, he can put up with almost anything in the world." What scares me is that i don't really understand myself enough to be understood. But the one that really understand myself is not always me, many a times, it's someone else. I don't like that. It's like all my decisions are so predictable that one can tell what's my next move and how i think before i have actually made the decision that you think I definitely would...which I did.

I never know if i ever learn. what i know is, i will not stop in whatever i believe in. And I trust YOU.

Hugs. Big One.

2010-10-31T03:07:00.007+08:00

Thank you for your thoughtfulness. Not reprimanding me, not criticizing me, not judging me but protecting me. Can i give you a hug?

From me: there's nothing else i can do. I want but i can't. anymore.

2010-10-30T00:22:00.001+08:00

A Has Been.

2010-10-28T22:07:00.003+08:00

This week seems longer than the week before..Aargghh, dreadful. The exams start and i thought i can finally sit back and relax but the next thing i know, exam papers are ald there, on my table. Potong!! There are piles and piles of essays, grammars, literature...Uuuurrghh, kenyang lah..But but, i am willing to take my exam papers everywhere i go ( as much as possible) TO MARK!! =p

Imy. I finally know what it means. Im slow. i know. And, the lamest thing is, i learn it from my students. Lol.. So, ok, imy =)

Book access. Bought "The Bumper Book of Rude and Politically Incorrect Jokes". Yea, it's all nonsense. but but... I. Kinda. Like.

I just wish that i have more time to sleep and read.

I think i heard. you Cry.

2010-10-21T21:42:00.001+08:00

It's ironic, isn't it? I expect to have more lonely days ahead...

Straddling.Monumentally Idiotic.

2010-10-17T08:34:00.002+08:00

I ve never been so fumed before. The government isnt thinking straight. Switching back to BM for Maths and Science. My first reaction was "Thank God my baby bro is in F5 ald!"

For goodness sake, if the decision is made due to the struggling of a portion of students, then do SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE about it! Don't get attuned to the people but help 'em to adjust to positive changes and improvement! What is the good for the students? First off, language is a very crazy thing. one can't start to pick up any of the language even when they are in the late teens. Language starts young, period. Don't expect the students to be fluent in English only in F3 or F4. The tongue grows stone hard. They can't even freaking pronounce "th". So, do we blame the students themselves? Or the parents? or the teachers?

Speaking as a teacher myself, if the kid can't cope with English language and the academic subjects at the same time, push them! stretch them! or else how to survive in the fast-pace world? So what, if your kids can't converse in English, send them to China?! In all honesty, I have a class whose proficiency is bitterly weak. Most of them, English is not their mother tongue; they can't even differentiate elbow and ankle! I am utterly disappointed and heart-broken. I know they hate English but deep down inside, they've always wanted to be better. Low-self esteem, being battered and laughed at whenever they dunno how to pronounce certain English words. Years passed, they detest English! cuz it brings them shame. On the contrary, if conducive environment and ample exposure and time is provided, everything is possible! Give the teachers some more time. You are not helping at all! Damn.

Private school. I can see ppl opt for it now. cuz they can choose: KBSM or international syllabus. so since the Government once again give the greenlight to resort back to using BM, we are once falling back to the scratch again. Go private or international la, right? but again, there's another series of posers about private school. Sigh..peer pressure, attitude problems..and the list goes on.

They can choose. They can go bilingual. but how abt the teachers? Should the school hire more teachers to teach that particular subjects separately? Can the supply cater the demand? Nope, eternally nope. We can hardly get good teachers now, and the kids nowadays are being brought up to be spoonfed. Those richies, no worry, sail thru high school, at least get credit, anywhere but Asean can be their next destination. Those who can't afford the luxury in choosing which institutes in USA or UK or even Aus they want, gotta stay and study their ass off in F6, feel unnecessarily happy for their entry to Uni, which after much later that they realize why.

Aaaaargghh, i am angry... Sad is an understatement. Is there anything i can do?

Don't do this

2010-10-09T00:30:00.002+08:00

i don't know what to feel. it's coming back again and again. "A sudden wave of pain just overwhelmed me"

you steal my Heartbeat

2010-10-08T16:42:00.006+08:00

Just when i had you off my head
Your voice came thrashing wildly through my quiet bed
You say you want to try again
But i've tried everything but giving in

Why you wanna break my heart again
Why am i gonna let you try when

All we ever do is say Goodbye

Fishhhhie Day

2010-10-04T23:51:00.001+08:00

My first fish! Woo Hooooooo..

If you'll Just...

2010-10-02T00:56:00.002+08:00

the time when i first came to KL to study i was a fearless fighter. My dad came with me, dropped me in UM then after half an hour, he headed back to kedah. I told myself, i am a new born butterfly now. In this glittering world of temptation, i think i survived quite well. I have a bunch of awesome coursemates who hang out together all the time. we hold on to each other. we've been thru a lot and a lot. Towards the end of the Uni years, i ve lost my armour. i was completely stripped off but only with the embrace of love. "How wonderful life is now you're in the world" is exactly. So, the story goes on and how we become the victims of circumstances. We lost the beautiful battle. I fail myself miserably. i've tried. i really have but no one's there. I become a lonely fighter who never smell triumph again. i go weary but it's not futility. I am still who i am. as a matter of fact, i never change. will never. ever. look at me and nobody but you know it.

i wanted to try so many things in life. i feel that now is not enough. future must be something more. but i cant figure out what that is. Being alone sounds tempting at times. currently i have no proof of identity. people my age never allow life to be so messy i think. but my direction is losing hope yet beaming with light. i think i can live thru this. i think the fearless fatty fighter is going to put on the torn armour and charge!!!!

love is patient, love is kind.

2010-09-26T21:39:00.008+08:00

It's D' happy moments. Im glad to have attended such a beautiful wedding. The mood is soo right and the songs just melt me helplessly. The whole idea is simple and sweet all the way.

the cool pics on the slides.

the rosie table

the only-one-small-piece-is-real cake

Every sparkling glass rests a butterfly

The bouquet is sweet and i have smaller one with me to walk down the aisle with =)

AND it's a perfect beginning...

Period.

2010-09-23T20:37:00.001+08:00

As much as i still can, I want my life back.

月亮代表我的心

2010-09-22T21:52:00.003+08:00

Was taking an after-dinner stroll. a few kids are taking the lanterns of all interesting shapes and characters, oh, i believe i saw Baja Hitam also =D that was like my childhood, i remembered watching these Jap TV series with my bros. Lol..Kids are mesmerized. They like the feel of it holding something shines like a star on land in they shape they want i think. This lil chubby girl holding a mic, standing in front of her house with her mom and grandpa(i suppose) were warming up her ever cutest voice. Then I heard, "Ennie Meenie la la la lover" "Meenie meenie la la la lover" I just can't help but put on my widest smile. Adorable.

In school, a boy from primary school was busy taking his bags, heavy bags. I think the friend wasnt patient in waiting for him so she sprinted out of the canteen. The boy just suddenly frantically yelled, "WOman! Woman! wait for me!" = = Mind you, primary school kid! Is this the way his dad calls the mom at home? Lol... Cheeky

Again, in the primary school canteen, a slightly plumb plumb walked passed me, with the lips carrying the song, "Baby baby baby OH~" "Baby baby baby OH~" C'mon, kids nowadays are listening to Bieber ald at such a tender age?...what happened? Bieber happens =) Cute

On My Shoulder Rests Your heart

2010-09-22T18:32:00.001+08:00

Whoever you are holding me now in hand,
Without one thing all will be useless,
I give you fair warning before you attempt me further,
I am not what you supposed, but far different.

Who is he that would become my follower?
Who would sign himself a candidate for my affections?

The way is suspicious, the result uncertain, perhaps destructive,
You would have to give up all else, I alone would expect to be your
sole and exclusive standard,
Your novitiate would even then be long and exhausting,
The whole past theory of your life and all conformity to the lives
around you would have to be abandon'd,
Therefore release me now before troubling yourself any further, let
go your hand from my shoulders,
Put me down and depart on your way.

Walt Whitman

I Was Am Will Be a Bee

2010-09-19T16:53:00.002+08:00

alright, now that my sis's wedding is over, another one is catching up. Whoa, haven't really recovered from the sleep deprivation then imma bridesmaid again this weekend. Well, the wedding we had back home is the one full of rituals and practices. Oh please, seriously, unnecessary ones. A traditional Chinese wedding is enough to make a big family like mine go mad. Poor thing, my dad and mom fell sick yet had to start working on the very next day. But we had loads of fun. My bros are such darlings that they never complain, stay with us closely to help and sayang us. Awww...

p.s. oh, i loooooooooove the wedding video. i look great! =D

Trix's wedding is different. Perhaps it's because of the American groom? Hehe..can't wait to see little Hanlons =D And it's gonna be my first time attending church wedding. Woo Hoo!

alright alright, gotta do my lesson plan now. I will upload the video soon =)

I Just Can't Wait

2010-09-07T17:19:00.004+08:00

And on the 12th of Sept, we have 8 in Teys. Weeee!

I like I like

2010-09-06T10:35:00.004+08:00

My bro is on the futsal court! So happy that he can come here and chill and play futsal with my frens. and me, bring along NST, reading the papers and enjoy watching him play at the same time. Well, will be driving home tmr. Pray for journey mercy =) oh, look at how many dresses im gonna bring home this time. and a huge microwave for my sis's wedding. and damn, haven't packed yet. 12.20am. better start now.

Grumpy...

2010-09-06T00:22:00.001+08:00

=/ huh!

like ikan bilis and sambal

2010-09-02T22:18:00.003+08:00

Dined in Nandos. Tropicana City Mall. T'was, as usual, not cheap.

Browsing TOKL. The places they were featuring, may it be eatery or boutique, I tell you, KL is not cheap! The cost of living is elevating sky high. I once read an article, predicting the average salary a fresh grad will get in years to come will be bordering 4k. Hmm, tempting? but looking at the expenses per month now, i think 4k is hardly enough if one wants to live a life as a human.in KL. Gosh..

I come from a place where Wan Tan Mee is sold at 2.50, well perhaps it's RM3 now. a place where A&W can't survive. Starbucks doesnt dare to even move close. Music lesson cost around 5o per month. Now, i ended up in a place, throbbing with life but at the same time sucking my life too.

Complained. Accused. Hatred. Can you hear?